California Sweep

How sweet it is!!!

alg_joba-reacts.jpgThey can’t all be the Minnesota Twins, boys. Sooner or later you have to play baseball against a real baseball team.

Enter the Los Anaheim Angels of California, USA.

Is it me or do these halo-headed Yankee killers seem to take a certain pride in bursting the Bomber’s bubble, in humiliating the Worst Team In Baseball? When I watch the Angel’s slaughter the Yankees I can’t stop smiling… there’s a joy in the way LA destroys them.

At the halfway point we check the numbers:

– The Yankees have been 0-8 against the Red Sox, and they head into the break 3 games out of first.

– Joba Chamberlain, everyone’s favorite disappointment, is 4-2 with a 4.25 ERA

– A-Rod is hitting .256… Tex, .275

– You can call it a strain of the lower-interior assbone if you’d like, but we all know Wang is mentally destroyed and will most likely never return to his former glory.

With a line-up of store-bought All-Stars, the highest payroll in the history of sports, and a little league-sized stadium you Yankee fans can keep your RBI & Home Run numbers.

You’re still the worst team in baseball.

Enjoy the All-Star break!

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Meet The Mess

This is called pain. This is called humiliation.

Last night’s Yankees/Mets game gave me horrific flashbacks of the 2ooo World Series, when the Yankees were the best team in baseball and my Mets were like frightened squirrels darting all over the road to avoid being squashed.
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*Squash…*

Yep, the Yankees played their first game at Citi Field- a stadium that makes their own look like the elitist toilet that it is- and managed to look brilliant because of the stressed, shoddy play of the Amazin’s.

Hey, what can you expect from a team with 3 All-Stars and 2 starting pitchers on the Disabled List? The Mets have been decimated by injury. Does that excuse Alex Cora throwing the ball away? Nick Evans juggling a grounder? Bobby Parnell’s balk? Not even close.
 
As usual Mike Pelfrey looked outmatched and petrified, and as usual we Met fans were treated to assurances by our announcers that Mr. Mike was actually a very good pitcher- in theory. Too bad baseball isn’t theory.We also got announcers Gary Cohen & Ron Darling– usually the best in the game- speculating whether Fernando Tatis was secretly injured after he failed to throw to second on Robinson Cano’s double.

Stop making excuses for bad baseball. Tatis was asleep and Cano took full advantage. As he should have. Oh, and about my fellow Met fans sarcastically cheering Luis Castillo on pop-up plays after his game-losing drop in the first Subway Series? It’s not funny.

There’s nothing funny about playing bad baseball. There’s nothing funny about losing.

I could go off on my problems with my own team for about two weeks… that’s the reason I don’t do a Mets blog- I’d lose my mind. But what was criminal about last night’s game was that the struggling Mets team- who have actually been playing surprisingly well- choked in the glare of the spotlight and let this pathetic bunch of sloppy hotshots push them around at home.

And you wonder why I hate them.

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The Golden Sombrero

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Passionate Southern soldiers against those damned Northern Yankees… where have I heard this story before? Luckily for y’all I flunked history…

Game 1 of the Civil War Series: It was 87 degrees Tuesday night in Atlanta as rookie Braves pitcher Tommy Hanson threw 5.1 innings of shutout baseball against the struggling New York Yankees.

Alex Rodriguez was 0-4 on the night, lowering his average to .207. Ready to strangle him yet?

Nick Swisher was 0-5 with a failed bunt attempt. (Poor baby has the National League Fever).

Mark Teixeira was 0-3 with a Walk.

Jorge “Highway” Posada was 0-4 on the night as well… I’m starting to notice a pattern here… the Yankee offense was shut down by the Braves pitching.

Some of you might not know the baseball term “Golden Sombrero.” It’s a fictitious (sarcastic) award given out to anyone who goes 0-for on the day. So to A-Rod, Swish, Tex & Jorge, please step to the front of the room to receive your Golden Sombrero… one per All-Star, boys…

On a side note, the Wangster pitched just well enough to earn another start, now 0-6 on the season…. maybe he’s trying to bring the team down from the inside?

This is a night the Yankees are going to work very hard to forget. My advice to you: start drinking heavily.

Hey, it worked for Bluto…

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CC Ya!

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So the Yankees lost two out of three in Florida. It seems like everywhere they go Losses follow them. Why is that I wonder? Can you tell by my typing that I’m grinning ear-to-ear?

For all you Yankee fans who have bombarded me with Hate Mail recently, I ask only that you think about your words. Although I hate the Yankees team & organization, I have nothing against you people personally- although Yankee fans who call WFAN to ask for Zach Greinke make me see red. Do you really believe you deserve every great Major League player? Do you buy into this “destiny” nonsense? What made your team God’s chosen ones? How do you think the fans in Cleveland and Baltimore feel, having their All-Stars stripped away from them at the end of every contract by the all-consuming Yankees, who are still chasing the high from their classic ’98 team?

It’s over, folks… give some other teams a chance. •

Blame It On The Blindman

So… AJ Burnett seemed to bury the hatchet with Jorge Posada (instead of burying it in Jorge’s head) and pitched a gem of a game against the Marlins on Saturday night: 6.1 innings, 1 Earned Run, 8 Strikeouts and only 3 Walks. Unfortunately… Johnny “Magoo” Damon was playing left field.

JohnnyDamon.jpgJohnathan has been having eye trouble this season. He was placed on the Disabled List after dropping a fly from David Ortiz in Boston on June 11th. The diagnosis: his eyelids were fluttering involuntarily, so doctors told him to lay off the caffeine and Red Bull in the hopes it was just a nervous reaction.

It may be more than just a nervous reaction.

In the 6th inning of Saturday night’s game Johnny Damon got his glove on a line drive from Jorge Cantu, but failed to catch it and let it roll to the wall, allowing Hanley Ramirez to score what would stand as the game-winning run, wasting a beauty of a performance by Burnett, who may currently be chasing Johnny around Florida in fast-motion.

This loss hurts, so I’m feeling especially wonderful… and here’s a tip for Johnny-Boy: Your former teammate David Ortiz got his eyes checked earlier this year… maybe you could ask him to give you and your seeing-eye dog a ride to the optometrist.

Aw hell, what do I care…? Have another Red Bull.•

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